Queen Control

I always said that I’m a very liberal person, I don’t control and I don’t even trying to change or stop men for doing this or that. They always have 100% freedom to do what they want or like to do as long as I was being informed earlier.

However, I realized that being an understanding girl friend, I tend to make my boy friend cheat on me easily. They are trying to take me for granted as I trusted him so much, so is easier for them to actually cheat on me.

Recently, I heard a lot of stories happened around me, most of the guys were saying how their girl friends intended to control them, checked on their MSN conversations, SMS on the phone, give them curfew on what time they need to be home, etc.

I wonder, being a queen to control a man, will it make him a better boyfriend? Do men really like to being controlled?

Lately, MK being forced by his fiancée to include her name in his facebook @ the relationship status “In a relationship with XXX”. She is trying to stop her boyfriend flirting around in facebook. So I asked MK, does it going to stop you flirting with girls no matter on the facebook or reality? He said “NOPE”; he still can get girls, but no doubt it will not be as easy as before. If a girl wanted to flirt with you, she will not care whether you are single, in a relationship or even married. Or some of them may register another facebook account and not letting their wives or girl friends to find out and start flirting there.

Story about a girl who likes to check the boyfriend’s mobile phone especially the SMS. I asked CK, does it make any different? Will this going to stop you flirting around? He said “OF COURSE NOT”; he will just have to delete all the sms that he received and all his outbox messages.

One day, T’s wife was not in town. T reported to his wife saying that he will go back to the mother’s place for dinner. In order to comfort her wife, he needs to use the house phone to call the wife to show that he was at home. T said “I do it this to please her; I can still go out after called her phone the house”.

W is working as an export manager in a trading company. He needs to travel to overseas frequently due to his work. Last time when there was no 3G function, he was required to MMS the wife on where was he, who he was going with, etc. Now, with 3G, of course he needs to video call the wife no matter where he goes or what he does especially when he is overseas. Sometime, W feels it is embarrassing to do that especially when he was spending time with the clients. How is it possible to shoot your client’s photo and send it to the wife?

Therefore, I came out with the conclusion: -

Sometime, men are just like kids, they do not know how to discipline themselves. Sometimes they tend to go beyond the border line or you can say “lose control”. When the wife or girl friend started to make noise, this will keep them alert. They will be very careful on what they are doing, they will not go wild.

From other perspective, these wives and girl friends have trained or educated their husbands or boy friends to cheat them in a smarter way; the checking or control will not stop them from cheating. For example, he knows his girl friend will check his mobile; he just deleted all the message that he received or sent. He knows that the girl friend or wife will not be happy he hang out with female friends, he can just make up story saying that he was having drink with his buddies or male colleagues.

As for me, I appreciate an honest man, I will prefer him to tell me the truth and deal with it instead of forcing him to quit. Because I know that he will not quit unless he decided to quit, if not he will still find his way to do it. I’m not mentioned about cheating here, same goes to others habit that girls usually don’t like, such as smoking and drinking. Men will still do it without your concern; they have their way to do it.

Trust me!

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It’s complicated

"It’s complicated”, is this terms sound familiar to you? I got to know the terms when I first registered on my Friendster account. It appears on the marital status column: Single, Married, Separated, Divorced & It’s complicated. What does “It’s complicated” means? I always thought that relationship is very straight forward, for example:-

When you are still single, no matter you are available or not  Single
When you are married to someone  Married
When you are separated with you partner (not divorced yet)  Separated
When you are divorced with your spouse  Divorced

So when is the time that the relationship becomes complicated?

D is going to get married in 3 months time. Last month, he met Z in a function. Both of them like love at the first sight, they were talking to each other non stop for 6 hours; they have too much to share till they didn’t realized the time flies. Z knows that D is getting married soon, for her, she just need a companion; she doesn’t care whether he is going to get married or not as the main objective is not having D as a permanent partner. However, when the time goes by, this affair slowly turn in to a relationship when they didn’t even realized it. It started to have emotional involved. Z started being upset when D did something to piss her off. They met at least 3 – 4 times a week. They have a permanent place for both of them to spend time together. D never thought of giving up his fiancée as well. He still will be getting married when the time comes, for him; he wants to have both if possible. He even made the statement saying that, if he doesn’t have any fiancée now, he will definitely want Z to be his girl. No one will know what happened in the coming future, sometime they feel guilty, but they just don’t want to think about it. At this moment, they just want to stay in their fantasy world as long as they can.

In order not to be hurt by D when he got married one day, Z is trying to persuade herself that in this relationship, there will be no emotional involved, it started because both of them want to have fun, no string attached, no expectation and no commitment. Like I always agreed, women tends to emotional driven, so is hard for Z to control her emotional sometime. Once in a while, she seems to be very rational but sometime she cried like a baby when D pissed her off. So what Z planned to do now is to dilute her focus on D. She is trying to continue her life on her own like D never exists. To her, D is just like a bonus in her life. Now, she is back in to the market, starts her hunting life again.

Is this what we meant by “It’s complicated”? Yes, for me, it is very complicated. Why human like to complicate things especially relationship. When I was young, I thought relationship suppose to be simple and straight forward. When you like me and I like you, we would love to spend our life together, we are couple. However, things are not as simple as what I think now when I grow older. Is not about black & white anymore, something happens in a grey area.

Sometime you realized, we cannot stand a stable life style for long period of time. We are looking for sparks and climax in our life. When someone is involved in a stable relationship for too long, they will start to find excitement out of their relationship in order to make their relationship last longer.

Is this a human nature which we like to complicate things? Or we get bored easily from a stable relationship?

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