These are all tactics...

At first, all of us thought that D & Z are supposed to be a very compatible couple, they share everything in life, they chat about almost everything, the sex they had was awesome. Even Z was thinking, even she can only be the 2nd lady, she doesn’t mind, as long as she knows D will be always be with her when she needed him. Although both of them never sit down and actually talk about the “relationship” that they are having, but she thought both of them are actually have common understanding about what was the “relationship” that they are having.

One day, things happened without Z expected. All these while, she taught she was infatuated with D. In fact, she was totally wrong. It was a huge mistake and misunderstanding between she and D. D decided to tell Z the truth. The conversation was started from Z thought that D was a very nice guy, when they were started dating, D was not asking for sex, this made Z thought that their relationship was so special because she knows that D is a player. All the sweet memories that D created for Z as well as all the sweet talks were just a trap to make Z fell for him. D told her that he loves her, he missed her so much, how he wishes to make her his girl friend, etc (too many sweet talks that she would not want to mention about it anymore). All of them, all D has done were all tactics used to please Z, in other words, all of these were used to trap her.

D also mentioned, all these while, there were no emotional attached at all. He has been programmed not to get his emotional involved as he always has his priority which is his girl friend a.k.a. fiancée. So all the while, she thought that both of them were living in their dreamland, in fact, there was only Z lived in her own wonderland which created by D.

Out of sudden, Z be able to see things clear, very clear. She thought she is a smart girl, she did everything careful, she thinks twice before she decided, she thought she be able to understand all the men’s tricks, but she is still naive enough to believe, she is the special one. According to D, Z is special and every girl is special. Before she left, D told her he cares her too much to actually hurt her. Z wondered, is this truth or is one of his tactics again! Z asked D, why he decided to tell her all the truth, because he thought that she is tough enough to take it. In fact, Z is not a tough girl; she is just trying to be tough.

Z was crying non-stop when she was driving back the other day. She cried because she was very disappointed, she cried because she is stupid enough to believe D in labelling her as “Very Close Girl Friend” instead of FXXXing Buddy. Basically they are nothing more than that. 2 months is a very short period of time, but for Z it was the best moment that she ever had since her previous relationship. Anyway, all of these were over.

She decided, if she is going to see D again, it will just for fun and it will be 100% game. Not saying she wanna take revenge, she will treat him exactly on how he treats her. Is a fair game! No more tender, loving, care, if yes, it was also just a one of the tactics.

Z is now in war! Good Luck babe!

Quoted from SATC:

You said you loved me, but why does it hurt so fucking much? Carrie Bradshaw.

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Queen Control

I always said that I’m a very liberal person, I don’t control and I don’t even trying to change or stop men for doing this or that. They always have 100% freedom to do what they want or like to do as long as I was being informed earlier.

However, I realized that being an understanding girl friend, I tend to make my boy friend cheat on me easily. They are trying to take me for granted as I trusted him so much, so is easier for them to actually cheat on me.

Recently, I heard a lot of stories happened around me, most of the guys were saying how their girl friends intended to control them, checked on their MSN conversations, SMS on the phone, give them curfew on what time they need to be home, etc.

I wonder, being a queen to control a man, will it make him a better boyfriend? Do men really like to being controlled?

Lately, MK being forced by his fiancée to include her name in his facebook @ the relationship status “In a relationship with XXX”. She is trying to stop her boyfriend flirting around in facebook. So I asked MK, does it going to stop you flirting with girls no matter on the facebook or reality? He said “NOPE”; he still can get girls, but no doubt it will not be as easy as before. If a girl wanted to flirt with you, she will not care whether you are single, in a relationship or even married. Or some of them may register another facebook account and not letting their wives or girl friends to find out and start flirting there.

Story about a girl who likes to check the boyfriend’s mobile phone especially the SMS. I asked CK, does it make any different? Will this going to stop you flirting around? He said “OF COURSE NOT”; he will just have to delete all the sms that he received and all his outbox messages.

One day, T’s wife was not in town. T reported to his wife saying that he will go back to the mother’s place for dinner. In order to comfort her wife, he needs to use the house phone to call the wife to show that he was at home. T said “I do it this to please her; I can still go out after called her phone the house”.

W is working as an export manager in a trading company. He needs to travel to overseas frequently due to his work. Last time when there was no 3G function, he was required to MMS the wife on where was he, who he was going with, etc. Now, with 3G, of course he needs to video call the wife no matter where he goes or what he does especially when he is overseas. Sometime, W feels it is embarrassing to do that especially when he was spending time with the clients. How is it possible to shoot your client’s photo and send it to the wife?

Therefore, I came out with the conclusion: -

Sometime, men are just like kids, they do not know how to discipline themselves. Sometimes they tend to go beyond the border line or you can say “lose control”. When the wife or girl friend started to make noise, this will keep them alert. They will be very careful on what they are doing, they will not go wild.

From other perspective, these wives and girl friends have trained or educated their husbands or boy friends to cheat them in a smarter way; the checking or control will not stop them from cheating. For example, he knows his girl friend will check his mobile; he just deleted all the message that he received or sent. He knows that the girl friend or wife will not be happy he hang out with female friends, he can just make up story saying that he was having drink with his buddies or male colleagues.

As for me, I appreciate an honest man, I will prefer him to tell me the truth and deal with it instead of forcing him to quit. Because I know that he will not quit unless he decided to quit, if not he will still find his way to do it. I’m not mentioned about cheating here, same goes to others habit that girls usually don’t like, such as smoking and drinking. Men will still do it without your concern; they have their way to do it.

Trust me!

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It’s complicated

"It’s complicated”, is this terms sound familiar to you? I got to know the terms when I first registered on my Friendster account. It appears on the marital status column: Single, Married, Separated, Divorced & It’s complicated. What does “It’s complicated” means? I always thought that relationship is very straight forward, for example:-

When you are still single, no matter you are available or not  Single
When you are married to someone  Married
When you are separated with you partner (not divorced yet)  Separated
When you are divorced with your spouse  Divorced

So when is the time that the relationship becomes complicated?

D is going to get married in 3 months time. Last month, he met Z in a function. Both of them like love at the first sight, they were talking to each other non stop for 6 hours; they have too much to share till they didn’t realized the time flies. Z knows that D is getting married soon, for her, she just need a companion; she doesn’t care whether he is going to get married or not as the main objective is not having D as a permanent partner. However, when the time goes by, this affair slowly turn in to a relationship when they didn’t even realized it. It started to have emotional involved. Z started being upset when D did something to piss her off. They met at least 3 – 4 times a week. They have a permanent place for both of them to spend time together. D never thought of giving up his fiancée as well. He still will be getting married when the time comes, for him; he wants to have both if possible. He even made the statement saying that, if he doesn’t have any fiancée now, he will definitely want Z to be his girl. No one will know what happened in the coming future, sometime they feel guilty, but they just don’t want to think about it. At this moment, they just want to stay in their fantasy world as long as they can.

In order not to be hurt by D when he got married one day, Z is trying to persuade herself that in this relationship, there will be no emotional involved, it started because both of them want to have fun, no string attached, no expectation and no commitment. Like I always agreed, women tends to emotional driven, so is hard for Z to control her emotional sometime. Once in a while, she seems to be very rational but sometime she cried like a baby when D pissed her off. So what Z planned to do now is to dilute her focus on D. She is trying to continue her life on her own like D never exists. To her, D is just like a bonus in her life. Now, she is back in to the market, starts her hunting life again.

Is this what we meant by “It’s complicated”? Yes, for me, it is very complicated. Why human like to complicate things especially relationship. When I was young, I thought relationship suppose to be simple and straight forward. When you like me and I like you, we would love to spend our life together, we are couple. However, things are not as simple as what I think now when I grow older. Is not about black & white anymore, something happens in a grey area.

Sometime you realized, we cannot stand a stable life style for long period of time. We are looking for sparks and climax in our life. When someone is involved in a stable relationship for too long, they will start to find excitement out of their relationship in order to make their relationship last longer.

Is this a human nature which we like to complicate things? Or we get bored easily from a stable relationship?

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Girlfriend ≠ Best friend?

Yesterday, after work we went for a drink in a coffee shop at downtown KL. My friend, Wen was sharing with us regarding a TV talk show that he watched recently, it was about a mid age artist sharing her view on love relationship. She was saying that sometime in a love relationship, the couple needs to be best friends besides being the lovers. After all the excitement at the beginning of a relationship, you need more than love to make the relationship lasting.

I’m totally agreed about this.

I’ve been thinking about this for long time. I was wondering, why a couple can never be friends. Sometime, man will have a few best friends who are girls, they will usually sit down and talk about the man’s problems, they will share their opinions about relationships, let the man knows what the perceptions of woman, complaints about their girl friends, blah blah blah.

The question is why the man cannot share this with his girl friend? Even if he has a tolerate girl friend?

Example A:-

Man, named John, he told his female friend, Zay that he has a crush on his new trainee in the office today. The young fresh girl seems to be very naïve and doesn’t even avoid him after knowing him is attaching with some one now. But why can’t John tell this incident to the girl friend? Will the gf really get upset after that? Or may be the gf can handle this like a friend?

Example B:

A girl, named Jean, is meeting up her net friend without letting her boy friend knows about it. She tells the story to one of his closest friend. So if she really telling this to her bf about this; will the bf be generous and say “Oh! How nice! No worries, baby! Enjoy yourself tonight!” or he will just pretend to be generous, he will start checking the gf and ask “So? Is your net friend calling you again today?”

Example C: (I think this is the most common example)

Man, Mr. C called one of his so called “best friend” who is a girl named Yann to complaint about his job, unreasonable boss, his selfish girl friend, monetary problems, blah blah blah. Why can’t the man open up his heart and share his problems with the girl friend?

Can girlfriend also be your best friend? Can you your problem with your partner? Work, relationship, financial, health, etc. Why you only share your problems with your best friend but not your partner? After all the sweet talking, praising each other, when both of you come back to the reality, will you tell your partner something deeply in your heart? How many man and woman can actually treat their partner like a friend?

All these yeas, I’m trying to be a very understanding and tolerate girl friend, I’m trying to make myself like a friend to my boy friend. But I believe that we are human, we will take it for granted. It is not easy to treat your partner like a friend and it has to be happened in both ways. You have to respect each other and not going below his / her bottom line.

I’m still learning…

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When you are getting older…

2 months back, me and my friend was sitting at the bar listening to live band performance after an expensive dinner. There was an old white man sitting opposite us, keep starring at us. After finished the first glass of white wine, the old man ordered the bar tender to get us another 2 glasses of wine. Out of courtesy, I think we should actually thank him for that. Then we started the conversation. He was here for business and he travels to Malaysia once every month for the past 15 years. He is mid-age man with grey hair; he looks a bit like the age of Sean Connery and Jack Nicholson.

Me, the same old me, I don’t mind getting to know more people especially those powerful person like him. After couples of wine, he started to touch me and asking me to spend a night with him. I rejected him in a polite way, because I’m with my friend and this is not my principle. I still remember he was trying hard to persuade me, he used 3 different techniques: -

1. Begging

At first, he was trying to beg me “Come, please spend a night with me…please… please… you are lovely… you are so pretty… Come please… just one night @ my room”

2. Lecture

I insisted I don’t feel like going. He started to lecture me, he said “Life is so short, when you feel like doing something, you have to do it now, if not you will regret!”

3. Sympathy

Then I said, today was not a good day because me with my friend. And he started to gain my sympathy “When the sun rises, things changed! You may not wanna see me anymore or pick up my calls! You promised you will pick up my calls?”

Although I’m a bit high in alcohol, I was thinking “This old man, not bad! He still knows how to use the technique to persuade me to do that!” At the end, nothing happened!

The next day, he did call me. Due to work, I didn’t manage to meet him at all. He called couple of times from overseas and even want to pay me a trip to Thailand when he was on business trip. But nothing have been work out.

After 2 months, finally he is back. I don’t want him to lose interest in me, so I agreed to go out for dinner with him. After couples of white wine, we went for a nice a.k.a. expensive Japanese restaurant for dinner. The whole conversation was nice, he is being a gentleman. After the dinner, he asked what we should do next? Should we continue to drink at the bar or go back to his room? After the wines, I let him decides.

So he holded my hand and brought me to his room, he turned off all the lights until I cannot see my own fingers. He started to kiss and touch.

That moment, I flashed back the 1 episode I watched from Sex & The City, when Samantha met old millionaire, Ed. Ed didn’t have an old man touch or an old man kiss. When he turned on the light, he has an old man ass!!!

So I know why he wanna turned all the lights off. Everything was fine, just that he is too old to be hard. Even touched or blow also can never get hard. On the other hand, he was trying hard to make me happy, he said what he wants was just seeing me happy. After the whole foreplay session (because he was not ready for sex), he just wanted me to rest on his arm and keep saying that he loves me and want me to stay with him tonight. Of course I’m not going to stay with him because I have early appointment tomorrow.

After the long description of the story, here comes the most important part of the story. Before I left his room, he gave me 100 USD. I was so shocked, the first thing came from my mouth is “I’m not a prostitute!” He said “Of course you are not, take the money and buy some nice clothes or buy something you like; I just want you to be happy!”

Did I take the money? Of course, I did!

I didn’t do anything, no sex happened, he gave me “Ang Pow”. What in my mind was “It was a good trade! He was the one doing all the hard work and now I have money!” So may be what he wants is a just a companionship, may be making a young girl happy can help him to build his confidence level. He sounded horny all the time when we talked on the phone; in fact he is too old for that. Sometimes, I’m worried whether he will die on bed because he is too sexcited!

When a man getting older and they are rich, what they actually want is just to rebuild their confidence? I wonder (after I took the money, of course)…

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Friendship VS. Sex-ship

I always believe that men & women are totally different set of creature. From the physical, the god differentiates us well. Mentally, women are more emotional, sentimental and sophisticated; men are straight forward, rational and they have the quality that women don’t have is – they can separate sex & emotions. Some people said that men are able to separate all the eggs in different baskets, while women put all the eggs in a basket, if one doesn’t go well, it will affect others.

R (a very open minded lady with good career prospect in the company) called me today; she told me she has found a sex partner a month ago from the internet who looks like her ex-boy friend. They didn’t interact much before they go to a hotel in downtown. After meeting a couple of times for sex, R started to have the emotional attached with this guy. She expected his SMS everyday, wondering whether he will text her today, or may be will they meet again anytime soon. However she realized that she is the only one felling that way. Because from the man point of view, she is merely his sex partner not she is even a friend. The worst thing is he doesn’t really know what her real name is; he only knows her nick name.

I remembered M told me her experience before. She has a net friend from overseas spending his trip in Malaysia. Due to Malaysian hospitality, she thought that she may bring him for sight seeing and giving him some traveling advices. So she picked him up from the airport and sent him to the hotel. This guy was very good looking and she had no problem having sex with him if the mood was OK. According to M, the whole meeting was not bad, so the sex did happen. Before she left the hotel, they were actually planned to meet again the next day after she finished work. The next morning, M got the message from this guy, the message was saying that he cannot see her anymore, because seeing her was just out of gratitude and it was not fair to her (which I think is bullshit), so he decided to travel alone. What really hurt was, he mentioned that there was no physical attraction after seeing her; he didn’t feel like hugging her. M was very upset, he came twice during the sex and now he told her that she didn’t appeal to him. The sex part was not purposely arranged by her. The major intention meeting up with this guy was all because of “friendship” that she thought they have. You don’t reject a friend because she doesn’t appeal to you, do you?

From a male friend, his name is K. He said he loves women so much therefore he cannot afford to settle down with a woman. He told me the reason why he need to change his sex partner, because when he spends more time with a girl, she will request more and more after that. So when the girl requests more, he will cut her off from his life. He told me, girls will always ask for more and she will start to look for more commitment from a man after sleeping with him. Women always want to get more focus and they tend to get jealous, then the man started to get questions and problems after that. All of these “qualities” of women “force” him to change his partner every season. Obviously, I do not see any “friendship” in him and his sex partner. Everything he planned or did is merely for great sex, like wonderful dinner, nice wine, good movie, etc.

Sometimes, I realized that women are looking for a soul mate or so called “friend” instead of just sex partner. This guy is not necessary have to be her boy friend or husband, just someone they can talk and share life; of course they also could fulfill their sexual desire once in a while.

But for men, they do not need a soul mate; they just need a sex partner. They can just f*** without any talking or communication.

The intention of a man and woman is different here. For a woman, friendship always comes first; for men, sex-ship comes first. Without sex, women can still be friend with the man (unless he is very annoying in person). For some men, no sex = no talk. They talk to you when they want sex.

I believe men are rational when they are dealing with their sex partner. If you are the sex partner category, you will forever in it. You will not be able to switch your role to the potential girl friends category or even the “friends” category. For women, sex partner can be potential boy friend or best friend. Because women will not simply sleep with any guys they picked up on the street. She has to like him in a way.

I agree that women are more emotional driven, men are more sexually driven. Men know how to separate sex & emotions; sometimes I really amaze how men actually can do that…

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Love 2008

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女人给男人的 忠告！

1 别以为女人是你肚子里面的蛔虫，你爱不爱她，你什么也不说，你什么也不做，她怎么会知道？

 

2．别在女人撒娇的时候冷落她，否则她可能会认为她在你心里已经不重要了。
 

3．性关系对女人来说，远远没有男人想得那么重要，所以，不要以为她爱你，就该在你需要的时候，无条件地满足你，那样她只能认为你只在乎性，而不是她。
 

4．在她穿上新衣服的时候，适当地赞扬她一下，别总说这个太暴露、那个太透明；即使真的如此，你可以跟她说：?这件衣服你穿着真漂亮，但只能穿给我看！?她会明白的。
 

5．别动不动跟她说：?你懂什么？我的事你别管！?女人也有自尊，即使在她最爱的男人面前，她依然有自尊。
 

6．在她独处的时候，给她自由，别说她今天很奇怪；她静默的时候，给她拥抱，别问她为什么。
 

7．她一定会有异性朋友，甚至会是知心朋友，别担心，女人对爱情和友谊，往往比男人分得清楚。
 

8．吃醋是女人的专利，如果女人有天不吃你的醋了，那只可能是她不爱你了；但醋吃多了，女人会伤心，依然会离开她爱的你。
 

9．女人对于爱情的需要和男人对于性的需要一样多，所以不要指责她对爱情的追求是?奢侈?。
 

10．能容忍自己的男人去偷吃的女人，永远是少数，不要期待你的女人是少数派；即便她真的是，那她可能也找到了平衡心态的方式：也去偷吃。
 

11．记住：这个世界的男女比例是 1.04 ：1，女人永远比男人少，而且，每个男人都想拥有几个女人。结论是：女人永远比男人有性别优势！

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